Test Drive
by HarryTwilightMaxRidefan
Summary: A collection of one-shots, in which the Cullens all enjoy a road trip to Vegas!
1. Chapter 1

**Renesmee and Jacob**

"What about this one?" Jake asked, as he led me to a red Jaguar XKR.

"It's probably the fastest one they have. It goes from zero to sixty in less than five seconds," He rubbed his hands together excitedly, his eyes grazing over the car. He had a mouthwatering look to his face. He looked like Homer Simpson looking at a doughnut.

I looked over the Jaguar, twisting my new wedding ring with my thumb. Jake and I had been married for a month now, and we just came back to Seattle from an _amazing_honeymoon in Europe—one week in Spain, one in France, one in Germany, and the last in Italy, staying around Milan, Rome, Venice, and Florence, staying clear of the Volturi. We had just flown in two nights ago, and after settling in the cottage that Esme gave us as a wedding present, I got amazing news.

I was almost two weeks pregnant. I haven't told Jake yet, but I'm planning on telling him. Actually, that's why we were at the Jaguar dealership in the first place.

I looked up at Jake, smiling. "How much space does it have?"

His eyebrows furrowed. "Just the two seats, Ness," He said, sounding confused.

"That's not enough room for us," I said, my hands suspended over the still flat plane of my stomach.

Jake still looked confused. "There's only the two…" He looked down, where my hands were resting.

He looked back at me, looking perplexed, but hopeful. "Are you…?"

"Almost two weeks," I confirmed, beaming up at my husband.

"Renesmee, that's wonderful," Jake smiled, before picking me up, and twirling me in the air.

I giggled, as he brought me back down. He gave me a kiss, his strong hands wrapped around my waist, already protecting his child.

"Well, this car just won't do." Jake smiled. "We're going to need more room."

"Are you two looking for anything in particular?" A salesman asked, walking up to Jake and me.

"Yes," Jake said, still excited over the news I told him. "My wife and I are in need of a Jaguar that has enough room for a family of three," His smile broadened.

"Right this way," The salesman smiled. "We just got a shipment of brand new XJ and XJL standard and long-wheelbase models," He led us to the far end of the lot, where the new models were held.

"Now, this one, the XL Supersport, comes in both standard and long-wheelbase, and has five hundred ten horsepower on a five-point-oh liter, supercharged v-eight," He said, showing us a red Jaguar.

"It goes from zero to sixty in under five seconds, and has a twenty-one mpg EPA highway estimate. The long-wheelbase gives an extra five inches of space in the back, perfect for infant carriers." He smiled, looking from the car to me.

"Would either of you like a look inside?" He asked.

"Sure," Jake smiled.

The salesman opened the front doors, and Jake and I took a seat in the car. He got into the back. The interior was a Bordeaux color, with a glass walnut finish on the wheel and doors.

"The interior comes with a heated steering wheel, as well as heated seating," The salesman mentioned.

"I like it," I grin at Jake.

"Would you care for a test drive?" The salesman asked, sounding hopeful.

"That would be great," Jake smiled.

"Here are the keys," He gave them to Jake, and he started the car. The engine roared to life, and turned to a soft purr.

Jake took the car out of the lot, and we drove around Seattle. Jake's ever-present grin seemed to intensify, as we drove around Denny Way.

"Let's go to Vegas," Jake said, giddy. His look turned a bit crazed.

"Vegas?" I laughed.

"Yeah, Vegas," Jake seemed to laugh. "Vegas, come on, baby, just say yes…"

"Let's go," I laughed.

"Uh, maybe we should head back to the dealership first…" The salesman said.

"Just say yes…" Jake said, a bit hair-brained. "Come on, baby, Vegas!"

"This is a test drive…"

"Jake, how about we buy the car first?" I asked, knowing he would really only listen to me in the moment.

"Vegas…"

"After we buy the car," I promised.

"Okay, yes," Jake nodded. He turned around, and headed back to the Jaguar dealership.

After signing the papers the salesman gave us, and paying the $80,000 down payment for the car, we headed out of Seattle, and onto Nevada.

oOoOoOo

Jake is a fast driver. In less than twenty hours, we made it from Seattle to Vegas. It was about one in the morning, and the bright, intoxicating casino lights were enticing.

We stopped at the hotel next to one of the casinos for the night. I honestly still couldn't believe that Jake would actually drive from Seattle to Vegas on a whim of excitement from this sort of news. Maybe if I had told him we won the lottery, yes. But telling him that I was two weeks pregnant? Not the kind of reaction I had been looking for.

The next morning, Jake and I walked around the city. After a little while, a scraggly-looking dog came up to us.

"Awe, Jake, he's so cute," I smiled, getting on the balls of my feet to pet the dog.

"Hey, back up! Back away from the dog, and nobody gets hurt!" A man said, walking up to us. I stood and gave the man a puzzled look, his silver beard was long and looked unkempt, the same went for the hair under his dirty hat. He was dressed in an old sweatshirt and some dirty jeans. I looked down at his feet to see only one shoe, I cocked my head to the side and met his gray eyes.

"I'm sorry, It's just a cute dog..."

"Ness, let's take him to the casino with us!" Jacob said excitedly in my ear. I turned and gave him a wide-eyed gaze,

"Are you crazy or just stupid?"

"Hey! Wanna go to the casino with me and my wife? We're celebrating, we just got married - "

"Jake!" I yelled in a hushed whisper, "Shut up, he is not coming with us!"

"I'd love to go!" The old man said.

"Yes!" Jacob took out his wallet and handed the guy a hundred dollars. My eyes went even bigger.

"Jake!" I growled,

"Yes, honey?" He looked down at me sweetly.

I smacked my forehead with my palm, "What has gotten into you?"

He grinned, "Just excited that you're my wife!"

Jacob grabbed mine and the man's hand, who I was already guessing was a hobo. For Christ's sake, did we have to take a _hobo_ with us? Of all people to take, he chooses the hobo?

"Wait! Gotta tell my doggy to stay!" The hobo cried just as Jake started the car.

"Nah, the dog can come with us!"

My eyes nearly fell out of my sockets, "Jacob Black, we just got this care - you are not bringing a dog into - " I watched as the hobo opened his car door and the dog jumped in and on his lap. "- this car." I finished quietly.

"Weeeeeee! Gonna get rich!" Jacob yelled as he slammed his foot down on the gas pedal and sent the car flying forward. I gripped the side of the car seat and felt my body go white with fear.

"You're going to kill us!"

"Oh, lighten up babe! Enjoy the thrill!"

I gave him another glare before holding on even tighter to the car. This was going to be a long day...

oOoOoOo

I sighed as I watched Jake and Joe (the miscellaneous hobo) go at gambling again, making this the third hour. I groaned and tapped my foot, could this get any more boring?

I just wanted something exciting to happen...

"Nessie?"

My head shot up as I met the butterscotch eyes of both of my aunts.

"Alice, Rose? What the hell are you doing here?" I asked, getting up and walking towards them as I crossed my arms over my chest.

"We could ask you the same question...but judging by the scene we get a pretty good answer."

I dryly laughed, "Yeah, yipee!"

They both laughed, "We were just going to go shopping, would you care to - OH, MY STARS FOR THE LOVE OF LIZA! WHAT IS THAT MAN WEARING?" Alice shrieked.

I laughed, "That's Joe, Jake's new hobo friend..."

Alice gave me a look of utter confusion, before storming over to Joe and yelling at him for his poor fashion taste. Rose sighed and shook her head, "That girl..."

"Is crazy?"

"Bat-shit." Rosalie said, "Completely bat-shit crazy."

I laughed and nodded my head. "I agree."

"HEARD THAT!" Alice yelled before pulling Joe over to us.

"We, are going shopping RIGHT NOW, and getting this man a completely new look. You will look so good by the time we're done with you..." Alice had this crazy look in her eyes, I turned and gave aunt Rose a frightened look.

"Alice . . . " Rose and I trailed off, but Alice wasn't listening. She was already dragging Joe out of the casino.

Rose and I exchanged looks again before running after Crazy Aunt Alice.


	2. Chapter 2

**Three Vampires**

**And**

**A Dog**

**In the town of Forks, Washington, there are shape-shifters and vampires, who have been allies for fifteen years. The following weird, funny, and stupid account is also true.**

**This is the story of five—Emmett, the pyromaniac vampire, Jasper, the**_**other**___**pyromaniac vampire, Edward, the semi-sane vampire, Jacob, the hulk of all shape-shifter, and Ethan, the six-year old vampire/shape-shifter mutt son of Renesmee and Jacob.**

**WARNING! This story contains a large overdose of pure male Testosterone. Please, for the safety of yourselves and others, do not attempt what you are about to read at home. These characters are what you would call 'professional', or even 'stupid'.**

xXx

First things first:

The women were gone.

And Carlisle—he was gone too.

But that's not the point. The point, my friends, was that the women were gone. Out of the house for _the weekend._

Esme was at a home décor convention in Seattle. Alice and Rosalie were in Milan for Fashion Week. Bella was visiting with Rene and Phil while they were on vacation in Alaska, and Renesmee and their youngest, Lily, were in Bellevue, on a girl's weekend.

Leaving Edward, Emmett, Jasper, Jacob, and Lily's older brother by two years, Ethan, at home in Forks.

After only five hours, the boys had played every single video game the Cullen's owned. Edward was off playing his piano, but everyone else was _excruciatingly_ bored.

"We could build something," Ethan suggested, coming back from the kitchen, a sandwich in hand.

"Like a robot, or a stink bomb, or a live-action volcano…or maybe a solar-powered car, or better yet, fireworks!" Ethan smiled. He loved anything to do with science, or building. He was definitely a hands-on child.

"We could do fireworks…" Emmett smiled, the firework plan coming to mind.

"All we would need is…"

Emmett was interrupted by Edward. "Remember what happened last time you tired to make homemade fireworks, Emmett?"

_Everything was perfect. All Emmett needed now was to light the firework._

"_Okay, stand back, everyone!" Emmett boomed, as he went low to the ground, a match in his hand. He touched the lit match to the fuse, and the firework flew off without warning, knocking Emmett back a few inches._

"_Damn, this baby has kick!" Emmett boomed excitedly. His face fell when he noticed the trajectory of the firework—straight to the house._

_He didn't even have time to let out a swear before it exploded into the house, setting a massive fire that engulfed the perimeter of the house._

"_EMMETT DALE MCARTHY CULLEN!" Esme's shrill cry could have been heard a mile away._

"_My house!" Esme shrieked. She turned to Emmett, rage in her golden eyes._

_Emmett gulped. "Uh…I can explain," He said nervously._

"_Oh, you'll do more than explaining when I'm through with you!" Esme grasped Emmett by his arm, and dragged him, full speed, close to the borders of Alaska._

"_I do not want to see your face until May," She growled._

"_That's not for two—"_

"_I know," Esme let go of her adopted son's arm, and left him._

"It's the whole reason we moved to Forks, Emmett," Edward said. "And if Esme were to come home, to find it burned to the ground because of one of _your_fireworks, I'm sure she'll leave you in Alaska. _Permanently,_"

"Okay, okay, so no fireworks," Emmett decided. "But what else could we do?"

"_Vegas, baby, come on!_" Attention was turned to the flat screen TV in the living room, as some Jeep commercial played. Emmett's face broke out into a wide, somewhat evil, grin.

"Oh, Emmett…" Edward closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose in attempt to calm himself.

"For the love of God…"

"Gentlemen," Emmett faced Jasper, Jacob, and Ethan. "I think we got ourselves a plan,"

xXx

"The rules are simple. Whichever team gets to the Vegas Eiffel Tower first, wins. Second, no speeding until you hit the desert. Third, this is _strictly_racing. Unfortunately, this means no messing with the cars in order to win, which means you cannot mess with the engine, the brakes, the oil, the gas, the tires, _nothing can be messed with_. Fourth, no breaking the cars. If any of these cars come home with a single _scratch_, they will know, and they will make us pay for the repair." Emmett finished reading off the list of rules.

He looked around at the four people in front of him, and smiled. This would be fun.

"I have the teams. Team Supermegafoxyawesome holds myself and Jasper,"

"Oh, God, no…" Edward pinched the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes.

"Emmett, no, you can't possibly…" Jake protested.

"And Team Fire Breathing Rubber Duckies holds Ethan, Jacob, and Edward," Emmett smiled.

"Our cars are the two Jaguar XKRs in front. Supermegafoxyawesome's car is the red, Fire Breathing Rubber Duckies is the white. I have installed radios in each car, so we can have conversation. When I say 'go', we go. Everyone, to your cars!"

The men went out of the house, and into their cars. Emmett drove for Supermegafoxyawesome, and Jacob for Fire Breathing Duckies. Ethan sat in the middle back seat, in between his father and grandfather.

Emmett's voice came onto the Bluetooth/radio that he had installed.

"Driver's ready?" He signaled.

"One, two, three…" He held out for the go, as the engines roared to life.

"GO!"

The cars flew out of the forest, and out of Forks.

The ear-splitting grin on Emmett's face could not have been hidden, the entire race he was hunched over the wheel and making sound effects along to the car's engines loud roaring.

"For the love of - Emmett, shut up!" Jasper yelled, seriously aggravated.

"No, I won't beat them if I don't make my noises!"

Jasper growled, "Don't make me, make you calm."

Emmett's frightened wide eyes snapped over to his siblings. "You wouldn't dare..."

The other vampire smiled, "Watch me - "

Emmett let go of the wheel and grabbed Jasper's collar, "DON'T DO IT!"

"EMMETT!" Ethan, Jacob and Edward all screamed through the radio. "EMMETT YOU'RE CAR IS SPINNING OUT OF CONTROL, GRAB THE DAMN STEERING WHEEL BEFORE YOU CRASH AND WE'RE ALL DEAD!" Edward screeched, Emmett quickly let go of the southern vampire and clutched onto the wheel, bringing it back onto the road.

"Haha! Suckers!" Jacob's deep voice rumbled through the radio as his car speeding past Emmett and Jasper's.

"Dammit, Jasper! Look, now we're losing!"

Jasper threw his insane sibling a heated glare, "You're the one who went lunatic."

"You made me!"

"Shut up!" Edward's voice came in through the radio, "Either shut up or turn your radio off so we don't have to listen to you're childish bickering."

Emmett growled, and stepped on the gas.

Fire Breathing Rubber Duckies were so close, just ten feet away from the Tower. Out of nowhere, came the red Jaguar of Supermegafoxyawesome.

"No!" Ethan shouted. "Come on, Dad, you can beat them!"

"That's what I plan on doing," Jacob leaned in, and put his full weight on the pedal.

The two cars came to a screeching halt, and the five jumped out of the car, racing to the Tower, full speed.

"We won!" Jacob gave his son a high-five.

Emmett and Jasper laughed. "I'm pretty sure we touched the Tower first." Jasper said.

"Uh, no," Ethan argued. "I was the first one to touch the tower."

"I was here three tenths of a second before you," Emmett said.

"We were all here at the same time," Edward sighed. He was really hoping to have had this stupid race over with.

"So, what are we going to do?" Ethan asked.

"Tie-breaker," Emmett said. "Whoever gets inside the house first wins,"

"You're on!" Ethan raced back to the white Jaguar. Everyone followed to their respective cars, and the race was, once again, on.

"Dad, we already won. This is dumb."

"Hush, Ethan!" Jacob hissed, pushing harder on the pedal, "Don't want to lose to a bunch of leeches, do you?"

Ethan gave his father a dark look, "If you haven't forgotten, I'm considered - "

Jacob smiled, "I know, son. I'm just joking with you. But, seriously. You don't want to lose to a bunch of old men, do you?"

"Jacob," Edward said in a growl.

Jacob grinned, "Sorry Eddie, but you know it's true."

Edward couldn't help but smile, "Yes, I know this."

Around twenty minuets later, just before they reached home, Edward closed his eyes.

"Oh, no…." He muttered.

"What?" Jacob put his weight on the pedal again.

"No matter how much I enjoy seeing you in trouble, you might want to slow down," Edward said.

"Why…?"Before Jacob could say anything else, he drove into the Cullen driveway, where Renesmee, Bella, Esme, Alice, Rosalie, and Lily were all in a line, arms crossed, looking mad.

"Oh, shit," Edward and Jacob, said in sync.

Supermegafoxyawesome pulled in, and screeched to a halt. Emmett's voice came in the Bluetooth.

"Whatever you they ask you, no matter what they say, deny, deny, deny!" Emmett ordered.

"Of course," Jacob said, his voice shaking a little.

They got out of the car, and faced their wives, mother, and sister.

"You five are in so much trouble," Lily smiled evilly. She loved it when her uncles, father, and brother got in trouble.

And this time, it was _big_ trouble.


End file.
